The best way to celebrate making it to the end of 2018 is with a look into the future, Mudderscopes style. With 100% accurate predictions, our mud-based horoscope is the gift that keeps on giving. Enjoy.
SAGITTARIUS: Your new method of training for Arctic Enema—diving naked into snow banks for the next few months—is really gonna pay off big in 2019.
CAPRICORN: This is the year you finally catch mommy kissing Santa Claus, which is weird because they’ve been divorced for like 15 years.
AQUARIUS: Your plan to get a head start on your New Year’s resolutions is put in serious jeopardy when you come face-to-face with your mother’s stuffing.
PISCES: Years of angry debate finally come to an end when everyone, even your Dad, accepts that the *Nsync Christmas album is the only one anyone needs to listen to.
ARIES: Your mom’s “pretty concerned” about all the holiday weight you’re putting on, but the joke’s on her. It’s all part of your plan for the perfect before and after pic.
TAURUS: After shouting “WAKE ME UP WHEN THE 2019 SEASON STARTS” at a family dinner, you make a serious attempt to go into hibernation. It fails spectacularly, but you do get a solid 10 hours of sleep out of it.
GEMINI: You finally take the top spot as the coolest member of your family after they see the GoPro video you cut together of all the events you ran in 2018.
CANCER: It’s been months, but the connection you felt on course is still as fresh as the day you first felt it. 10,000 volts will do that to you.
LEO: Stuffing the kids’ Christmas stockings with mud might’ve seemed like a good idea at the time, but they would probably have preferred some candy or a Mini Mudder ticket instead.
VIRGO: “It was worth a shot” is what you mutter to yourself after building 23 snowmen and not a single one of them came to life no matter what hat you put on them.
LIBRA: Your attempt to get the gym to open on Christmas day is admirable, but seriously, go eat some pie—you earned it.
SCORPIO: Just because you waited until the last minute to do your holiday shopping doesn’t mean everyone won’t love their puppy calendars and scratch tickets.
And ICYMI: Check out last month’s November Mudderscope.